Wednesday, January 04, 2006
8:06 PM
WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME??? Why? Why? Why?? I know I was wrong..I know am wrong.. I know I will be wrong..But why must this happen to me?? I lift a prayer of dispair, of helplessness..."God, find me....." In my quiet place I cry, in my deepest emotions, I hurt... This feeling of hopelessness lingers in me.. "You are useless..Stupid..Lousy.." Everyone calls out... Is it true?? I think it is.. Do I have to live this life any longer? I cannot take it anymore.. It is sapping the life out of me..Slowly..
Have you ever had the feeling that everyone around you is against you? Thats the life I am living now... "God, help me....." The pain, the sorrow, the hurt is too much to bear... I just feel like ending it all.. But I can't, can I?? Everything I have built up, everything that i have done, everything that I plan to do, can I just give it all up? Right now, it seems all worth it to end it all.. To just give it up..I SURRENDER.. I have lost..I cannot go on.. Being positive no longer helps.. having a cheerful front to mask all saddness and pain no longer works.. What else can I do???
Behind the sobs and the cries, behind the Amos that we see..Who am I really?? Who am I?? No..I am no longer able to stand up to the stress that I once was able to face..
My God is a good God..Praise Him..I cant control it..My tears flow free as i feel His love envelope me..Sitting here, He gave me this line.."Broken hearts, broken lives, He will take them all" He gave his only son for me..Who would give his life for someone like me?? Praise be to my God..
"...Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" - Hebrews 13:5-6
" God, I thank you that you are the same yesterday, today and forever.. I thank You that u are willing to take me as Your child, as broken as I am. . You have reminded me of my significance in you, and I can experience you love. Father, like I told Avril, Your love is all I need.. And the experience today with you was so refreshing and so uplifting. Indeed I will tell the world that Jesus lives! Thank you for cleansing me of my sins..I love you God, and thank you for your doings in my life. I praise you forever... Amen."
WE BELONG TOGETHER
